122. Not So Easy

Just because one has moved on, it doesn't mean that it was easy to do so.
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            The sounds of birds, talbuks, and lashers wandering around the eco-dome in Netherstorm were not enough to clear his mind of the latest torment that kept striking at him. One would think that he had it all now that he was alive and with someone who adored his company, but Cristianno didn’t feel at peace. Not yet. He wanted one person to forgive him for what he had done, and as he sat by the small lake, with the large shark tooth in his hand, he couldn’t get her image out of his mind. He knew that she would never forgive him.

            I would have waited for you…

            Her words rang true. He believed them very much, but she wasn’t there when he needed her. She had explained herself; she had been injured. However, he had been injured as well. Cristianno laughed silently. No, that wasn’t an excuse and he knew it.
            The next question that entered his mind was why had he started thinking about her again? He longed to meet with her once more, without the tension that had surrounded them the last time, but that too was impossible. He knew she was not going to give in and simply talk to him. This very thought burned him from within with frustration. He just wanted to be forgiven.
            He just wanted to be forgiven.
            He couldn’t wait for her. He couldn’t resist the temptation of a beautiful woman being with him at any moment when she was so far away. Of course, she wasn’t the first woman he had betrayed. The shark tooth in his hand reminded him of the cruelest punishment he had for cheating: beheading.
            Kahlen and her father, together, plotted his death. This he understood, but was it really that necessary? To die because he had cheated? Cristianno looked up at the dome’s faint light overhead. No, he didn’t. Rain tried to kill him, but he didn’t cheat on her. In fact, she cheated on him. And for a moment, Cristianno worried that Niela would attack as well, but deep inside, he felt she wouldn’t.
            He did love her. He loved her for who she was. He hated that she thought more of herself as an assassin than a woman. He tried very hard to remind her that she was just a woman, not an assassin, not some criminal lackey, but a woman he could please.
            And now she was gone and he only wanted one final thing from her: forgiveness.
            It wasn’t so simple to move on. Yes, he was happy and Alaia was turning out to be the best thing that has ever happened to him, but he knew there was no closure to his previous life.
            Cristianno’s mind swirled with all these thoughts as he continued to look at the shark tooth in his hand. He wrapped his fingers around it and closed his eyes, sighing deeply, and recalling the words he had sent Niela. Perhaps she wouldn’t respond, but it was worth the try. At least, for that moment, it seemed to be.

(Addressed to Davina,)

Dear Niela,
                                    Please forgive me.

-C-

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